Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
