we're blogging at a bar
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
