i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
