are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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