You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
