Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
