woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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