Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
