I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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