Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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