Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
