I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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