Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
