there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
