That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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