i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
