What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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