So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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