i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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