Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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