i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
