my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
