what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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