Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
