My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
