Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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