My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
