life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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