you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
