At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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