I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
