I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
