There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
