I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
