All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
