Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
