Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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