just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
