I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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