i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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