Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We need a shit load of segways right now
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
