It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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