OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
