Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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