i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
