So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
NoShamevember. You game?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
