I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
