you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
