Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
