I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
