I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
