The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
