in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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