she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
