Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
