The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
