I could make wine with my vomit
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
