I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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