Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
