party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
