i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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