its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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