Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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