it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
