bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
