I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i drank out of a bidet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
