That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
