lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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