My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
