I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
