yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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