look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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