After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
