Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
