ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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