That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
